Presenting the Not Ready for Bill Nye Players

Because I know you tune in here to get plain-speak explanations of cutting edge science.

• Reuters is reporting that researchers at the Swiss Large Hadron Collider are pulling back from previous predictions of imminent breakthroughs from finding the elusive Higgs Boson, often referred to as "The God Particle" (although lots of media outlets use a little 'g' because they're not much on the real God).
• So, after billions and billions spent, and they think they found the particle - now no one's so sure that it's gonna radically alter the time spent in line in the Starbucks drive-through.
• Talk about your buyer's remorse.
• Actually, I think it's kinda like being a chick in the Mouseketeers - they doll you up and pin great hopes on you, but as soon as you're 17, you're a has-been.  After years and years of chasing the boson, now that it's supposedly found, it can't even get a record deal.
• Whether it is or isn't the God Particle - I don't know.  But I do know that Yahoo! commenter MikeyZ noted the following:  A Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic Church.  The priest inside says, "Sorry, but we don't serve Higgs Bosons here."  The boson replies, "But you have to, because without me, you can't have Mass."
• Hold the applause.
• Actually, scientists seem now to have moved on to the "unparticle" which behaves like photons (light particles) in some ways, and like matter in others, and would have variable mass-energy.
• Pretty much as I've always predicted.

• And in other technology - a guy on the sensory frontier has implanted permanent magnets in his fingertips to help him tune into the electromagnetic waves coursing around him.
• It would be just my luck he'd be my server at Chili's, and he'd screw up my debit card.
• I once tried to get my dentist to tune my fillings for better radio reception, but all I got was KAAM oldies.
• Bummer.