From the mailbag...

Sure, I swiped that from Paul Harvey.

• Apparently my name is causing quite the stir in the former USSR, as I continue to get fan mail from lovely Russian ladies, wishing to make my acquaintance.
• Why, just this morning, lovely Aleksandra sent the following:

Cheer, my friend. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! My name is Aleksandra. I like your profile strongly. Now I shall tell you a few details about myself. I’m 28 y.o. I am blonde girl with green eyes. I live in N.Novgorod in Russian Federation. Now, some information about my interests. I like reading, chat with my friends, walking and ect.. I adore watch TV and cook various delicious stuff. I love sports and fitness. I work as an accountant. It’s rather boring but I enjoy my job. I’m looking for a man who wishes to have meaningful relationships. I don’t need any flirt and I believe that you don’t need it, too. If you want to go on our talk, write to me. Goodbye. Aleksandra.

• She sounds like a good catch, and I like her sense of irony "If you want to go on our talk, write to me."  Plus, how can you not be enthralled by a girl who likes walking, and adore watch TV and cook delicious stuff?
• But alas, I already have over, like, $1000 in airfare invested (on the advice of my friend Paul, the stockbroker), to get Irena or Yenchna (wait, that was a character from Neil Simon's Fools) to the United States for happiness relationship.
• I guess my stable's just full of gift horses - this morning I deleted an email promising me another $10.5 million.
• Hey, with all the other millions about to roll in, I just don't think my mailbox - or the vault at my bank - is big enough to hold all those riches.
• In addition, a geology firm, Rock Hard, has also been sending a few emails.
• ED Solutions - What's that, continuing education?
• And finally, Mr. Peter informs me that he has a $2.5 Visa gift card waiting for me (money that I apparently misplaced in Africa, of all places).
• Maybe he should do some co-branded marketing with the geology firm instead...
• Good day!