I figure I must be off the charts on all of them - cause I ain't got no woman.
Since I regularly do self-evaluations at work, and my employees do self-evaluations (and then we discuss their self-evals before I send them on to HR - often with me offering stylistic spelling/punctuation/grammar tips so as to help them shine, and rarely, some content advice if I see a potentially career limiting statement, as in "I hate assisting our customers", for which I'd gently suggest the softer approach "Our customers can be a challenge at times.") I thought I'd get all Socratic and stuff, and see if there's any chance this blind ol' pig might one day find another acorn.
Without much further ado, here are the Top 10 chick turner-offers (allegedly), next to which I have rated myself on a 1-to-10 scale, with 1 being not guilty of that at all, and 10 meaning that I'm guilty as sin of that characteristic, and should probably get the chair for it.
Here we go:
- Being Ignored - 4 I think I try harder than the next guy to be attentive to a woman - the problem being they're more complex than a 777 cockpit, and I have difficulty being adept enough to discern which are the deal killer 'do not ignore' cues.
- The Wannabe Big Shot - 2 Me, a big shot? Not likely - the only time I would even get close would be in doing a schtick, which would pretty much be recognized as such from the get-go.
- Self-Admiration - 3 OK, I wasn't I high school jock, and don't drive a sports car. Should be relatively safe here.
- Preoccupation with Sex - 6 Not sure I remember what sex is, but back in the day I might have been more focused on it than I think I would be now. Age'll do that to you.
- Chauvinism - 2 Other than a stupid bit I did way back when (which was meant to be a schtick, but was misinterpreted), I'm one of the least chauvinistic dudes around, especially considering my age. I'd say I'm very respectful of
- Expecting the Woman to Take Care of the Kids - 7.5 Oops - I was bound to get nailed on something. Although I was fairly active in Scouting with the boys, I, uh, was less so during the diaper years and with bedtime baths and such. I don't deserve the chair on this one, but would probably get some jail time, maybe some suspended for good behavior.
- Paying too Much Attention to Other Women - 4 I don't think that I did much, although I recall hearing "I'm watching you" a time or two. Nowadays, I'd definitely be mindful of Proverbs 5:18 and Ecclesiastes 9:9.
- The Not-So-Courteous Approach - 1 Like chauvinism, I'm pretty safe on this one.
- Poor Grooming Habits - 4.5 I've never been able to have hand-model fingernails and cuticles - it's a real challenge to keep dirt out from under them (that's why I carry a gentleman's pen-knife). I do shower daily and use deodorant.
- Bad Pick Up Lines - 1 Heck, I don't have any pick up lines, bad or otherwise.
Now, to tally my score - it appears I averaged 3.5 across the spectrum. You'd think being on the decent end of the scale I might be able to snag a female who isn't Karla Faye Tucker - maybe it's just a matter of time.