Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Test time

So, the stupid HuffPo runs a dumb article about the 10 biggest turn-offs for women.

 I figure I must be off the charts on all of them - cause I ain't got no woman.

Since I regularly do self-evaluations at work, and my employees do self-evaluations (and then we discuss their self-evals before I send them on to HR - often with me offering stylistic spelling/punctuation/grammar tips so as to help them shine, and rarely, some content advice if I see a potentially career limiting statement, as in "I hate assisting our customers", for which I'd gently suggest the softer approach "Our customers can be a challenge at times.") I thought I'd get all Socratic and stuff, and see if there's any chance this blind ol' pig might one day find another acorn.

Without much further ado, here are the Top 10 chick turner-offers (allegedly), next to which I have rated myself on a 1-to-10 scale, with 1 being not guilty of that at all, and 10 meaning that I'm guilty as sin of that characteristic, and should probably get the chair for it.

Here we go:

  1. Being Ignored - 4    I think I try harder than the next guy to be attentive to a woman - the problem being they're more complex than a 777 cockpit, and I have difficulty being adept enough to discern which are the deal killer 'do not ignore' cues.
  2. The Wannabe Big Shot - 2    Me, a big shot?  Not likely - the only time I would even get close would be in doing a schtick, which would pretty much be recognized as such from the get-go.
  3. Self-Admiration - 3     OK, I wasn't I high school jock, and don't drive a sports car.  Should be relatively safe here.
  4. Preoccupation with Sex - 6     Not sure I remember what sex is, but back in the day I might have been more focused on it than I think I would be now.  Age'll do that to you.
  5. Chauvinism - 2     Other than a stupid bit I did way back when (which was meant to be a schtick, but was misinterpreted), I'm one of the least chauvinistic dudes around, especially considering my age.  I'd say I'm very respectful of gals women.
  6. Expecting the Woman to Take Care of the Kids - 7.5     Oops - I was bound to get nailed on something.  Although I was fairly active in Scouting with the boys, I, uh, was less so during the diaper years and with bedtime baths and such.  I don't deserve the chair on this one, but would probably get some jail time, maybe some suspended for good behavior.
  7. Paying too Much Attention to Other Women - 4     I don't think that I did much, although I recall hearing "I'm watching you" a time or two.  Nowadays, I'd definitely be mindful of Proverbs 5:18 and Ecclesiastes 9:9.
  8. The Not-So-Courteous Approach - 1     Like chauvinism, I'm pretty safe on this one.
  9. Poor Grooming Habits - 4.5     I've never been able to have hand-model fingernails and cuticles - it's a real challenge to keep dirt out from under them (that's why I carry a gentleman's pen-knife).  I do shower daily and use deodorant.
  10. Bad Pick Up Lines - 1     Heck, I don't have any pick up lines, bad or otherwise.
Now, to tally my score - it appears I averaged 3.5 across the spectrum.  You'd think being on the decent end of the scale I might be able to snag a female who isn't Karla Faye Tucker - maybe it's just a matter of time.


glasslass said...

Your article elicited a laugh as a longtime friend and I were discussing why women pick certain men just yesterday. Certainly there are really nice men who just don’t seem to have a woman stick. Everyone scratches their head and wonders why. Here’s my thought with agreement from her. I had been married twice and single for a number of years and wanted no part of marriage. But one day on a job in the northeast, a man came in with a group and I was assigned to teach them but he became my husband within 9 months. Why?? He was what women call a “woman’s man”, he loved talking to me, listened carefully, kept track of special dates & went shopping with me. Because we worked together for the next 12 years we spent almost 24/7 with each other and almost never got tired of each other. Why is this so special – my hubby, who has since died, was short, fat and certainly no looker. But he had been married 3x before with wives still being friends, countless old girlfriend still staying in touch. I was more important than his golf clubs or fishing pole or a bar.

The Donald said...

Umm, I didn't say anything was wrong with my woman stick - at least nothing a little dusting off wouldn't fix.

But seriously, there doesn't at times seem to be much rational explanation of what attracts people. I wouldn't consider myself a 'woman's man', but I'm no Neanderthal. I'm convinced that the notion of 'finding the perfect match' is a folly - it's more about meeting certain baseline requirements and then both parties working toward the same goal.

There seem to be way too many distractions in relationships today: texting, FB, golf, fishing, the bar scene, GNO, and other meddlers. Hard to find two people who can focus on each other and tell the rest of the world to take a hike.