Monday, November 23, 2015

I'm Retiring

Well, apparently my ship has finally arrived, as I've been notified by the First Lady that I'm due US $22M (even though we had not previously been active pen pals):


How are you today?

I am Mrs. Michelle Obama and I am written to inform you about your Bank Cheque Draft brought by the United Embassy from the government of Benin Republic in the white house Washington DC which contains the sum of $22.000.000 millions us dollars credited from the bank of America, the delivery of your funds has been mandated to be deliver to your address on Friday being october 7TH of September 2015 to you as soon as you get back to me with your home address and your cell phone number.

Bear in mind that I have taking my time to be in charge of your funds as instructed by my husband to ensure that you received your funds successfully from the white house to reduce the economy and I’m the only one that has your funds in regard to my husband Mr. Barack Hussein Obama II and you will have to pay the sum of $500.00 only before your Bank Cheque Draft will deliver to you on Friday, the reason why the fee is required is to have your funds clearance paper from the origin of the funds to avoid any harassment from the authority and you are also expecting to be announce as winner of the said amount by Friday as soon as your fund is delivered to you.

So you are urgent advised to get back to me with your home address and also the payment information today for immediate effect of your delivery. Note that the $500 is the only fee and final payment you have my assurance.

However, according to our agreement with the originated Benin Republic, all our communications should be on email for record purpose so follow my instruction accordingly, even if you don’t have the $500 try to borrow it and send it immediately because this is your life opportunity and I don’t want you to lose the chance any more.

Please I will advice you to urgent make the payment this morning via western union or money gram money transfer to the listed cashier information as instructed you by the originated authority. I will look forward to received your email today with the payment to enable the origin secure the required clearance papers required at White House Benin to deliver your funds. Note that it will take only 14hrs to deliver your Bank Cheque Draft in receipt of the $500 payment.

Please find the payment data below to send the $500via western union or money gram.

Receiver Name:
Country Benin Republic
City Cotonou
Question: Urgent
Answer: Needed
Amount: $500.00
MTCN reference number............
Sender Name...........
Sender's Telephone……
Sender's Address........

I look forward to your respond to your email with the payment today.

Mrs. Michelle Obama
The White House
(Official Residence of the President of the US)
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington DC 20500 USA

Sounds legit, right? And as soon as the USPS gets me that fresh batch of Republic of Texas money orders, I'm gonna claim my fortune.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Blogpost Sausage

Taking a page from Combat Kevin, here are some draft 'snippets' that have been languishing in purgatory.
  • Most of the terrain on my bike rides is fairly flat - so much so that I never shift gears, even though the bike has, like, 18 or 21 speeds.  There are 3 or 4 areas, depending on which route I take, where I like to do some light technical riding - slowly maneuvering in and around obstacles or moguls - just to keep my coordination up.  Update:  Now that it's getting dark earlier, I am going to have to make a concerted effort to get in my bike rides - during the summer I was riding about every other day.
  • My favorite feature is a pathway through a lush garden, featuring a small arched bridge.  The path runs less than 50', but curves through the garden and bushes intruding into the path, it requires a bit of concentration.
  • Was reminded recently that it's a bad idea to use the strobe feature of my bike headlamp on a moonless night.  The lighting is so herky-jerky that at one point I purt'near ran off the trail into some trees.  Better to just use the solid beam in total dark conditions.
  • Purchased a stereo Bluetooth speaker that I need to build a handlebar 'dashboard' for.  I don't like wearing earbuds when I ride, because I can't hear the ambient sounds.  Hopefully my selection of tunes won't annoy others using the path.  Update:  But who doesn't like '70s dinosaur rock?
  • Lesson learned: One jalapeño cream cheese taquito at 7-11 will do to me in one hour what two of their pepperoni pizza slices will do in 2 hours.  Update: But one pep/jala pizza slice, judiciously 'blotted' to remove excess oil, does no harm.  I guess it's all about the equilibrium.
  • In other food news, I had lunch at Wendy's today, ordering some nuggets and [small] fries, with water.  The teen behind the counter asked me if I'd like a "senior cup" instead - "It doesn't cost any extra, and you can get whatever fountain drink you want."
  • Senior cup, my @$$ foot!  Whippersnappers.
  • Yeah, I took it...
  • Still, the punks better stay off my lawn.
  • One of my recent thrift store finds was a soft/hard-boiled egg cooker.  I used to think that it was no big whoop to cook hard-boiled eggs in boiling water, but sometimes I would get a batch that were just tough as all-get-out to peel, so I didn't mind risking the $2-3 to give it a try.  This little gem uses a few tablespoons of water to steam cook 6 eggs perfectly, and they shed their shells faster than a barfly doing tequila shots.
  • Oldest son invited me to go to see Roger Creager Band tonight after church.  Since Sabado Gigante has come to an end, I didn't have anything else to do on a Saturday night, so why not?
  •  It was an excellent show - didn't hurt that he played some Waylon (I Don't Think Hank Done It This Way), Journey, Bon Jovi, Billy Joel, Bad Company, Mellencamp, and John Denver (Country Roads) for the sing-alongs.  His drummer did a top-notch cover of the R&B classic Let's Get It On.
  • Which I'm pretty sure the leggy twentysomething chick in short shorts, cowboy hat and boots - pole dancing sans pole about a dozen feet in front of us - did after the concert.  Daughter-in-law observed said chick and rolled her eyes.  Although the twentysomething appeared to be totally OEM, I saw at least a couple of more mature females pass by who seemed to have been significantly assisted by Jessica Rabbit's animators.
  • Bag of Nothing and other media outlets have noted that Tom Hanks officiated Alison Williams' nuptials at a luxe guest ranch near Saratoga, WY last weekend.  When I first read about the event (before seeing Geeding's post), I was puzzled that the couple had guests - who are probably not short of coin - fly in to Denver and drive/be driven three hours to the 23 square mile ranch near Saratoga.  Heck, they could've landed their Lear/Citation/Hawker/Astra/Gulfstream/Chinooks hit by RPG fire easily at Shively Field and been at the ranch less than 20 minutes later.
  • The ranch is in a beautiful area adjacent to Ryan Park in the Medicine Bow Mountain Range.  My folks have frequently snow-mobiled just a few miles from there.  Update:  I was talking with Dad a couple of weeks ago - apparently the large hospitality chains are buying up many of the legacy ranches in WY.  Marriott owns the the ranch where Alison Williams got hitched.
  • Middle son wondered if Hanks said to the couple "I may not be a smart man, but I know what [true] love is."
  • The A-A Ranch, about 20 miles due south, covers about 150 square miles near the CO line, and has its own 5700' runway (albeit at an elevation about 500' above Shively Field, and with a crown near the southern end).  Its terrain is more open/windswept than at Brush Creek.
  • About a month ago, my good friends from Dallas invited me to go with them to Thackerville to see Jackson Browne.  Although we had seen him a few years ago at Verizon, this was a much better show.  It was my first time to go to WinStar.
  • With the recent events at Mizzou, Dartmouth, and the like, I've spun several blogposts in my mind that have not made it to the keyboard.  Possibly for the best, n'est-ce pas?
  • Middle son and daughter celebrated their birthday last Sunday (they have same BD, a few years apart).  
  • On a recent trip to the [indoor] shooting range, the light pipe for the front Hi-Viz sight of my P-90 shot loose, not to be found.  While replacements are not expensive, I'm cheesed that even if I buy a half-dozen spares, I'll still spend more on postage than on the actual merch.
  • I intend to use some super glue or nail polish (po' boy LocTite) to prevent a repeat performance.
  • Black Lives Matter - Is no black man safe from the Kardashians?
  • As best as can be discerned, the hotel bombing in Mali was not carried out by activist Seventh Day Adventists, agnostics, atheists, bloodthirsty Baptists, barbarian Bahá’ís, Buddhists, callous Catholics, chapped Christian Scientists, Confucians, depraved Druid dudes, Greek Orthodoxists, homocidal Hindus, Jews, lunatic Lutherans, Methodists, Moonie mercenaries, Mormons, pissed Pentecostals, Presbyterians, raging Rastafarians, savage Shintos, wicked Wiccans, or zealous Zoroastrians.  Naturally, this mystery will have the squatter-in-chief at 1600 Pennsylvania quite flummoxed.
  • In September, I posed the question "Whither Mitt Romney?", and proffered my 'fantasy election' R-ticket of Romney/Fiorina 2016.  Since then, Messrs. Trump and Carson have jockeyed for the lead, while Jeb has struggled in the polls.  I was seemingly wrong about predicting that Veep Biden would get his party's nod (although one supposes it could still be plausible if/when Hilary implodes), but I stand by my (R) pick.  And just this evening, I saw this article.  I double checked to make sure it wasn't datelined 2014.