Gilligan's Islands

By now everyone has undoubtedly viewed the video clip of U.S. Representative Hank Johnson of DeKalb County, Georgia, speculating in an Armed Forces hearing that additional U.S. military personnel on the island of Guam might lead to its tipping over and capsizing.

So, as a Public Service Announcement, owing mainly to the deep reverence I hold for the institution of the United States Congress and its members, let me issue a Traveler's Advisory Warning to those who might be inclined this Spring or Summer to travel to the following islands, all as small or smaller than Guam:

• Kahoʻolawe (Hawaii)
• Lānaʻi (Hawaii)
• Niʻihau (Hawaii)
• Alcatraz
• Ellis Island
• Galveston Island
• Mustang Island
• Padre Island
• Goat Island

Travel advisories are not anticipated at this time for the following:

• Australia
• New Zealand
• Antarctica
• Hawaiʻi
• Maui
• Oʻahu

If travel to Molokaʻi is planned, please check in advance for possible warnings, as it is only about 25% larger than Guam and may be on the "at risk" list.  The same advice applies to the island that Tom Hanks was stranded on in Castaway, size unknown.

Lastly, if anyone has booked a trip to Fantasy Island, please be sure to say hello to Representative Hank Johnson on your arrival.