Saturday, February 23, 2013

Dating Sux (Monopoly Version)

And now, people out in TV land, it's time to play Dating Sux, a fictionalized game of middle-aged relationships, brought to you by Parker & Gamble.

Here's a little sample:
  • You get a text from someone nice you met years ago, after your relationship broke up, asking if you know which church has a good weekend singles group.  Because you had lost that person's phone number two cellphones ago, and wished you hadn't, move ahead two spaces.
  • Although your church doesn't have much going on for the pairing-challenged, you respond by telling which church(es) you attend, and what you like about it/them.  Move forward one space.
  • You realize that if the person is asking you about singles programs, they must not have married the person they were dating the last couple of times you spoke to them.  Go ahead one space.
  • Awhile later, you get a text saying you should get together for a beer at a local burger place - advance two - "as friends" - go back one space.
  • Time for a station break - we'll be back in two-and-two.
  • We're back.
  • You realize you no longer care who, or how many, your ex- sleeps with.  Move ahead three spaces.
  • Your person has the same name as your ex - lose two spaces.
  • The texter's ex's name is the same as yours.  Don't go back, but skip one turn.  (Look on the bright side, if they address you with the ex's name, you won't notice...or know.)
  • The person has the same number of children as you do, of the opposite gender.  Draw and hold "Brady Bunch" card from the special cards pile, even though you may not need it.
  • You shrug off the "as friends" qualifier, reasoning that spending some time with the opposite gender is preferable to cuddling with your dog.  And hey, it takes the pressure off to meet any expectations.  Advance one.
Well, folks, looks like we've run out of time for this episode of Dating Sux (Monopoly Version).  Tune in next week to see if our contestants went like james taylor for burgers and beer.

Featuring Leland Sklar on bass (who's anchored music for a veritable Who's Who list of SoCal and Nashville performers) and a nice solo by Rosemary Butler (as a frequent member of Jackson Browne's band and performer with the Doobies, Ronstadt, Raitt - you've heard her on the first refrain of Stay, before David Lindley's falsetto).


RPM said...

The "two and two" was a nice touch.

todd said...

I recommend the dog...

The Donald said...

@ RPM - Thanks.

@ Toddster - You may be right. A Vietnamese waiter the other night told me the same thing...