James, as in Frank and Jesse.
History records that some, probably most of these, were men of low virtue, with little regard for the lives of innocent, upright citizens. But popular mythology, and likely some revisionist history, has enshrined some of them as counter-culture heros, more misunderstood than evil.
Fast forward to the present. It seems all the entertainment news sites are abuzz about the latter day Jesse James. It seems Mr. James, also know as Mr. Sandra Bullock, has been a bad boy.
Before he married Ms. Bullock, I had no idea who Jesse James the motorcycle dude was, but, as one who can be counted among those believing she's "America's Sweetheart", I figured if she thought he was a good guy, he must be OK. When he later was a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice, I found him to be self-effacing, very down-to-earth. Of course, most anyone would've looked good next to Dennis Rodman, whom I consider an insufferable ass.
But here's my gripe: It seems all the entertainment outlets are focusing either on "how could he cheat on America's Sweetheart?", or "how could he cheat with that?" (the inked-up chick). Fact is, both questions are irrelevant - infidelity has nothing to do with who he cheated on, or with whom. Whether he'd been married to Roseanne Barr (there's a sobering thought) or got a chance to hit it with Heidi Klum would make no difference - he owns the infidelity. Is the transgression either amplified, or attenuated, based on who's cheating or cheated?
Marriage vows don't seem to get much respect these days, in no small part, I believe, owing to the toxic environment of modern culture and entertainment, although my good friend Todd the Blogger has reminded me that it's always been thus. Still, I can't help thinking that Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, The Bachelor, Modern Family, and other such fare are helping in the corrosion of our collective moral compass. I've prefaced many a statement with "I'm no prude, but...", dating back to college. Nowadays, maybe I have to admit I am, at least concerning promiscuity and all the heartache that seems to invoke, and embrace my inner Puritan.
God gave us the gift of intimacy with another person. My pastor often notes that we are not designed to use God-given gifts for un-Godly purposes. I hope that for her own well-being, Ms. Bullock can forgive Mr. James, although forgiveness does not mean that she takes him back. As the aggrieved party, that choice is hers, and hers alone.
And that's how it should be.
2 comments:
Very well put except that I think any woman who lays down with a married man is pretty much scum of the earth, and I get it when someone says...how could he and with her?! I'd like to think someone would look at me and then look at the woman my ex slept with and say the same thing. I don't know why, but it seems the man/woman who sleeps with a married person gets a buy when it comes to blame. While I know he/she didn't break marital promises, her/his act is just as immoral if they knew the person they were involved with was married.
But you're right, the cheater owns the infidelity, and the infidelity itself is the core issue. My heart goes out to anyone going through what Sandra Bullock is going through right now.
Queen, don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting the co-conspiritor should get a pass on the blame. I'm just saying that the infidelity shouldn't be mitigated or magnified based on the innocent party's, OR the cheater's accomplice's, popularity or lack of same.
My personal feeling is she should kick the bum to the curb - I don't know how she could trust him again. But it's not my decision to make.
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