Yesterday morning, I arrive to work, noticing I have a text from former colleague Shay:
"Chuck Norris made Journey stop believing."
Recognizing the genre, I picked up the gauntlet, responding throughout the day [in between, uh, important work], with the following, mostly song references:
- CN can check out from AND leave the Hotel California. Anytime.
- CN messes with Slim AND Leroy Brown. At the same time.
- CN CAN get satisfaction. Always.
- CN passed The Point of Know Return, and returned. Twice.
- CN illuminated the Dark Side of the Moon.
- CN swam away from The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Wearing hip waders.
- CN completed the Boston Marathon AND the Gumball Rally in seven minutes. Concurrently. On a unicycle. Backwards.
- CN sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- CN once urinated in the fuel tank of a semi truck as a joke. Today that truck is known as Optimus Prime. (I had to look up that reference.)
- CN doesn't have to flush toilets. He scares the ____ out of them.
- All in all, CN is NOT just another brick in the wall. (Wonder where he got THAT one?)
- The opening scene of Private Ryan was loosely based on a dodgeball game CN played in 3rd grade.
- CN lost his virginity before his father did.
- "The Most Interesting Man in the World" only has that title because CN was through using it.
- CN's tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.