Mideast Peace at Hand

In an effort to effect peace in the perennially war-torn middle East, rookie American President B. Hussein Obama has dispatched former U.S. Senator George Mitchell (D-Maine) to the area in the capacity of special envoy.



Sources report that the former Senate Majority Leader has included scouts among his entourage for the purpose of assembling something akin to "All-Star" teams comprised of Palestinians and Israelis. Turmoil in the region is expected to be settled by a 'best of five' series of baseball games. Due to their rock-throwing prowess, the Palestinians are early favorites in the pitching department.

Special Envoy Mitchell has pointedly warned heads of state in the region that no steroid use will be tolerated.