Give Me a Break!

This morning as I left to attend a men's Bible study meeting (sleep is supposedly overrated, though I'd like to have had more of it), I picked up the StartleGram from the driveway and tossed it on the floor of the car.

I didn't really stop to wonder why I got the paper today, even though I don't subscribe. I figured the paperperson (is that PC?) made a mistake. And generally, I prefer the printed one to the online version.

After I got home and had done some chores, I sat down to read the diminutive paper, only to find that what it was was some kind of special S-T supplement, designed to tell us how to stylishly spend our dollars, together with a bunch of ad inserts.

Now, I have it on reasonably good authority that there's some kind of an economic downturn going on. I figured this guide would be chock-full of ideas to weather the recession. So what do the genii (yes, that's the plural of genius - I checked) merchandise mavens at What Was Once Amon Carter's Newspaper think I should buy? The following:

• $138 fountain pen, from an online seller (uh, huh)
• $79 crystal perfume decanter, in Colleyville (what's the matter with the Old Spice bottle?)
• $500 custom-fitted golf club, singular (ah, I think I've got a bad shoulder...)
• $320 box of eight cigars (cough!)

The last couple of items were offered by fine Southlake retailers, catering to discriminating clientele. I hope they sell a ton of them, if only to prove P. T. Barnum's maxim*.

For myself, I'll spend the weekend writing my memoirs with my 10 year old Cross ballpoint, wearing Grey Flannel from a 12 year old bottle (and only my dog to appreciate it), thinking about playing racquetball with my sons using my $9 (on Wal-Mart clearance) racquet. I tried cigars, briefly, way before they were au courant, and was discerning enough to avoid that habit.

Maybe I can enjoy a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon from my wine cellar, er, pantry.

Happy Valentine's Day? Whatever...